


Quidditch Fouls

by bapofficial



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Comedy, Gen, HP AU, Jungkook-centric, i've been meaning to start writing this for months but i'm so lazy wo w, maknae line centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-05-27 13:48:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6287059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bapofficial/pseuds/bapofficial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are seven hundred ways to foul in a game of Quidditch. Slytherin Seeker Jeon Jungkook is prepared to use every single one of them if it means winning the Quidditch Cup.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (a thousand years later)  
> thank you mel for dealing with me and helping me plan this I like you a bit sometimes xoxox
> 
> \+ thanks magda for your enthusiam!!
> 
> So this is set at Hogwarts slightly before our son Harry, but let's pretend Voldemort never existed :)) 
> 
> [tumblr](http://bapofficial.tumblr.com) | [twitter](http://twitter.com/yeahbap)

There are seven hundred ways to foul in a game of Quidditch. Slytherin Seeker Jeon Jungkook is prepared to use every single one of them if it means winning the Quidditch Cup.    
  
It'll be worth it in the end, he figures, imagining the violent crashing of green waves from the Slytherin stand, chants of "JEON JUNGKOOK! JEON JUNGKOOK!" following his grand theatrical descent to the ground of the pitch... arm raised high in victory, scores of fans at his charismatic command... the Snitch's wings beating feebly against his firm grip, its attempts at escape as futile as the opposing team's attempt to face the mighty Slytherin team and actually have a hope for success... 

He pictures the Gryffindors' dismayed faces, especially those stupidly cheerful beaters — what were their names — Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung, both fifth years with a notorious ability to avoid being seen by teachers as they flung Fanged Frisbees and Giggling Charms down corridors, yet consistently being thrown out of the library for "looking too happy to be doing much good" (for once, Jungkook thinks he can bring himself to agree with Madam Pince), and having the loudest and most obnoxious laughter at the Gryffindor table, which already has enough loud and obnoxious laughter to send Jungkook the long way around the Great Hall just to avoid passing them... Not that Jungkook has been paying any attention to such pathetic overgrown children — not at all — he just happens to unfortunately overhear trivial details that he really doesn't care for at all from the bickering Quidditch commentators, or from snotty third years gossiping in library corners whilst Jungkook is furiously scratching his quill away at some Transfiguration essay — he honestly couldn't care less about such annoying, attention-seeking, childish —   
  
"Jeon Jungkook, I swear to God I will kick you off this goddamn team right now if you don't listen to me, you little shit."

Jungkook jumps in his seat. Min Yoongi, captain of the Slytherin team, scowls down at him from his vantage point from standing on top of a chair. 

“This is my last year here. My last chance to win the Cup. Don’t ruin it.” Yoongi sighs and his expression softens. “I know you want to win as much as the rest of us, so just actually listen to the tactics this year, ok?”

Mumbling a humble apology, Jungkook shrinks further into his seat, and pays the utmost attention as Yoongi grunts and drawls about something or other for the next hour, thirteen minutes and twenty-four seconds. When Yoongi finally seems to be satisfied with the amount of time he’s been blessed with the sound of his own voice, he claps his hands loudly (the other team members start simultaneously and Jungkook tears his eyes away from his watch), makes an embarrassing granddad-like victory pose with his arms, and hops off the chair. 

“So, Jungkook,” Yoongi says as leans against the door frame, trapping the team inside the changing room, “remember: keep out of the game until you see the Snitch. We don’t want you getting injured because all the reserves are rubbish, and as much as it pains me to admit it, you’re doing a decent job, so —”

A loud thud from outside interrupts what Yoongi is probably repeating for the seventh time, followed by an “ _ Oomph _ !” and a “Tae, you flipping  _ idiot _ ”. Yoongi looks positively scandalised. Junhong, Jungkook’s classmate and fellow Chaser, reaches the small high window in two enormous steps, and looks through it without needing to go on his toes. He frowns and opens his mouth, but the people outside beat him to it, shrieking and, by the sound of it, whacking each other. Yoongi strides to the door and yanks it open, Jungkook close behind him, but all they see are the figures of two boys running back to the castle, cackling manically.

Yoongi turns to Jungkook with his Confused Frown as the rest of the team steps out too.

“Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung, Gryffindor Beaters,” Jungkook says immediately. He’d recognise those stupid ass snorty laughs anywhere.

A long stream of swear words flood out loudly from Yoongi's mouth. Some words Jungkook has heard, some are unfamiliar: either Yoongi has made them up, or he’s just really aware. Either way, he stops when Jungkook covers his ears with his hands, and settles for a defeated “Frick, what the flipping heck”. He scowls some more, before continuing, “Why are they trying to listen to our tactics? Do they have no respect for Quidditch? Are they really that bad at it that they have to get a leg up somehow?”

“Yeah, I mean it’s not as if the tactics are any different from last year,” Junhong chirps.

“Last year,” Yoongi says in a dangerously calm voice, “we had Seeker substitutes who could actually keep a broom intact for ten minutes without sending it to the  _ Whomping  _ Willow for a nice bit of  _ whomping _ . They’re bound to use that to their advantage now.” 

“What, so you’re saying they might try to knock me out of the game to get a reserve on instead?” Jungkook asks.

Yoongi sighs. “They technically can’t send a Bludger your way if you’re not near the Snitch, so you’re gonna have to make the catching process quick. I don’t want you dying on me, I need you—” 

Jungkook clutches his heart dramatically. “I’m so touch—”

“—alive for the final in summer. That Snitch isn’t going to catch itself.”

The rest of the team snorts as Jungkook’s hand falls to his side. 

The team practice goes well, obviously, what with Jeon Jungkook being the exceptionally talented rising Quidditch star he is, if he does say so himself. He must admit, he did spend the first few minutes feeling rather sorry for himself and his imminent death, but the more he thought about it, the less likely it seemed. Park and Kim were troublemakers through and through — it couldn’t be denied — but they never got themselves into serious trouble. It was always petty things: being too loud and excitable in the library, pulling stupid pranks, permanently being on the wrong side of Filch the caretaker, and running in the corridors like the five-year-olds they were. They weren’t about to commit such a big foul and kill (or ok, maim or seriously injure, maybe not kill) the opponent team’s Seeker during Peacetime (as Jungkook liked to call the aggravatingly calm period of time in which his eyes raked the pitch for a glimmer of gold) in front of the entire school and risk the consequences. 

They  were stupid, yes, but nobody can be  _ that _ stupid. 


	2. Chapter 2

Jungkook keeps telling himself this every time he catches Park and Kim laughing out of the corner of his eye, but their mood seems to have become even giddier if possible, and it's making him feel unsettled. What the heck, nobody should be laughing so much at this time of the morning, especially with the clouds on the ceiling of the Great Hall looking so damp and dreary. He hopes they get soaked during Herbology first lesson, and catch a cold so bad they can't play in the Quidditch match on Saturday. If that's even possible. Not that Jungkook knows the Gryffindor fifth-years' timetables. Or is worried about the upcoming game against said Gryffindors. He's just... glad he has Potions next. 

Only the constant sniggers of the Gryffindors at the back of the dungeon are interrupting the beautiful sizzling sound from his cauldron, and Jungkook is really starting to get suspicious now. The idiots are usually loud and stupid, but today's menu of blatant staring isn't discreet at all. Have Park and Kim dramatically retold their findings to the fourth years as well? Or worse, to the entire common room? He can imagine it clearly: Kim would immerse himself in the acting, exaggerating more than necessary to wring Park dry of his stupid giggles. _Stupid_ giggles. He'd giggle so much he wouldn't be able to do anything else. Flipping _stupid._

Somewhat irritably, Jungkook picks his watch up from where he took it off to keep it away from the fumes, pours his finished potion into a flask, and places it on Professor Slughorn's empty desk. Slughorn grins so wide his moustache stretches even bigger. Next to him, Junhong watches as his potion turns bright yellow instead of the murky brown it should be. 

"...Did you let it simmer for a minute?"

Junhong peers down at the flames furiously crackling their way up the sides of his cauldron. "Good question." After several fruitless attempts to urge his potion to listen to his pleas, he shrugs defeatedly. "At least it looks nicer this way. Oh, by the way, what time is the dinner tonight?" 

"Seven," Jungkook replies curtly. 

He'd been thinking about this school year's first Korean Society meeting ever since last Quidditch practice session. Park and Kim are bound to bother him more, and he'd much rather spend his evening getting ahead on his Defence Against the Dark Arts essay, or mentally preparing himself for the match tomorrow. He doesn't really know why he bothers going, between half of the people attending who he hates, and the other half who are so nice that he wants to hate them, but he has the feeling that disappointing the leader Kim Seokjin would be a rather bad idea.

The rest of the day passes way too quickly for comfort. Jungkook watches forlornly as the library empties at dinnertime, sniffing the musty air desperately and feeling sorry for himself. The food better be good. And not laced with that laxative potion like last time. Or with whatever Park and Kim had slipped into Jungkook's water the time before that made him unearth embarrassing memories that were best left buried beneath the lowest vaults of Gringotts, or even better, cast back into the fiery chasm from whence they probably came, judging from the way Jungkook's entire being burned in shame every time he remembered them. He could get there early for once for his own safety, he supposes, but he dismisses the thought immediately. Hah! People would think he actually wanted to be there. How ridiculous! As long as it isn't poison, he reckons he'll be ok.

With one last check of his watch, Jungkook swaggers down the corridor to Professor Slughorn's office, who likes Seokjin enough to let them use his room. He's an hour late to dinner, but no matter how loud his stomach had been grumbling all afternoon, he really can't be anything less than fashionably late — he has a reputation of charismatic nonchalance to maintain, after all. Jungkook prides himself on his impeccable punctuality and time management when it matters, but Jin Club, as Ravenclaw Kim Namjoon has dubbed it, is not worthy of his attention and respect. He waits for a few moments, gathering his breath, natural charms and moral strength, then pushes both doors open, Aragorn style.

And stops dead. Instead of the disgustingly loud screeching sounds of 'conversation' he's expecting, he's met with silence, and only Kim Seokjin, head boy and human embodiment of Hufflepuff house, sits at the long table. Jungkook frantically looks at his watch, up at Seokjin, back down again, and then settles for a confused "Where's the food?".

Seokjin smiles a smile that could ferociously tear apart rainclouds to let the sun shine through. "You're early today. That's a _nice_ surprise. There's still twenty minutes."

Jungkook's mouth drops most unfashionably open. "But— but—" he stutters, before it clicks: the sniggers coming from the group of Gryffindor boys in the back corner of Potions class that morning. How it's taken him all day to discover that his watch has been rigged forward, Jungkook can't explain — who even rigs someone's watch forward anyway? Typical Gryffindors. It's between being cool and being fed, but honestly, now that he's here, Jungkook figures he could bravely sacrifice his image for a couple of hours and stay early, swallowing his pride and anticipating replacing that with something edible. He's cool most of the time anyway; a slip up here and there won't destroy him.

The first to arrive after a few minutes of Seokjin's strangely comforting nagging is Jung Hoseok, sixth-year Hufflepuff Chaser. He literally — _quite_ literally — skips into the room, beaming at everything within sight and encouraging photosynthesis among plants and humans alike. Jungkook smiles weakly in response — he can deal with Hoseok, though he does have overwhelming tendencies — but even if he smiled as brightly as he could, he'd still be no match. It's like comparing a first-year's wobbly _lumos_ spell to the flipping sun. 

Things are ok for a while. Hoseok greets Seokjin with a clap on the back, and smiles as he looks at the large society banner on the wall appreciatively. He looks at the decorative candles floating by the door, and then looks around some more, head almost doing a three-sixty, until he spots Jungkook at the other end of the table. His mouth immediately forms a perfect circle, and something akin to a scream comes out.

A loud crash from outside. Complete silence, until there is a soft _thump_. Another one. Several thumps getting louder each time. Their pace quickens — _thump thump thump_ — until at last! The door is thrown open to reveal a panting Kim Namjoon, face glistening with sweat, wand held out.

"Whasgoinon?"

He stares at Hoseok's expression of surprise in disbelief, turning to Seokjin for some kind of explanation. 

"Hi Namjoon!" Seokjin says sweetly. "Did you bring the goblets?"

"Gob—? Yeah I— may have left them outside— I'll just go fix them— I mean summon them— haha..." His hand flies to the nape of his neck as he seems to find a sudden interest in the floor. 

Seokjin merely purses his lips, so Namjoon shuffles towards the door. When he catches movement out of the corner of his eye, though, he stops. Turns. Stares at Jungkook for a few moments, then shakes his head in confusion. Carries on shuffling.

"Good evening to you, too!" Jungkook calls after him. 

Hoseok is still producing a high-pitched whining sound. Seokjin rests his face in his hands.

Next to arrive are some people from Seokjin's year. They don't know Jungkook well enough to know his name, but still seem surprised at his presence. 

"Late kid, hey!" says one in a deep raspy voice. “How are you here before the food?” 

Jungkook sighs. This is going to be a long evening. 

Yoongi ambles in at six minutes past seven, explaining to anyone who will listen that he's not actually late, but that everybody else is early. "... apart from Jungkook, obviously, whose main contribution to this society is to make me seem more punctu—" 

Yoongi's mouth falls open when he sees said boy, sliding down his chair to avoid any more negative attention, a good few seats away from the others. Confused Frown is back in place, and a bad word or eight may have been said. In his haste to cover his innocent ears, Jungkook loses his grip on the side of the chair, and slides off it completely, disappearing beneath Seokjin's neatly embroidered badger tablecloth. 

_Bang!_ Kim Taehyung rolls into the room, clutching his side with one hand and wiping tears of laughter away with the other. By the time he has managed to grab a hold on Yoongi's robes to pull himself up (Yoongi's frown deepens), the door is thrown open a second time, and Park Jimin hops inside in all his giggling glory. 

"I come bearing Chocolate Frogs!" Park announces, raising one high, to general cheers and laughter. 

Kim opens several boxes and unleashes them. "Run, my children," he says in a carrying whisper.

One frog makes a dash beneath the tablecloth. A loud shriek, followed by the dull _thud_ of a head hitting wood, then a whimper, rises from under the table. A scrawny fourth-year boy scrambles out, massaging the back of his head as everybody watches: he's attracted quite an audience.

Park and Kim grin like their birthdays just came early.

"Are my eyes deceiving me? Mr Jeon Jungkook, sir, what an honour!" Park rushes to shake Jungkook's hand vigorously.

"What a strapping young lad!" exclaims Kim with a sharp clap between Jungkook's shoulder blades. "Best Seeker for the Slytherin team, if you ask me."

"Only Seeker for the Slytherin team, Tae," Park adds with a smirk. "What other member of that house has the pure talent and prowess to rival our Mr Jeon Jungkook?"

Yoongi shakes Kim's hand from his robes and scowls at them both. "Look here, little kids," he begins, but he is interrupted by Namjoon returning rather late with the goblets, and several jugs of pumpkin juice following his lead in mid-air. 

"Just on time!" Seokjin announces, rising from his chair. His soft smile orders silence. 

Yoongi and Namjoon sit beside Hoseok and the quiet guy who came in with the raspy voice guy. Park and Kim plop into the empty seats on either side of Jungkook, who audibly groans: he really hasn't thought this through. Where the heck is Junhong anyway? Ugh. One of the Chocolate Frogs bounces off his leg. _Ugh._

"Welcome," Seokjin begins, "to our first get-together this year. I'm glad you all continue to make it out of the goodness of your own hearts—"

"I got a howler this morning screaming at me to come today, or else," says a Ravenclaw sixth-year rather loudly. (Youngjae, was it?)

"—your willingness to participate—"

"Not gonna lie, it kinda sounded like you, Jin."

"—and to make good friends."

Jungkook snorts. Seokjin ignores him.

"As you know, the main aim of this society is to eat food and pretend we are being productive by claiming to be planning events: basically planning the next meal."

Jungkook loses the thread of Seokjin's speech because Kim's hand is fiddling with his left earlobe, and Park is tapping his wand just beneath Jungkook's right knee, trying to get a reflex out of him. 

"...like to thank Namjoon for the logistics..."

Should he really be using his wand? Bit dangerous, isn't it? Jungkook gulps. _Is Park trying to injure him before the game tomorrow so Slytherin doesn't have a decent Seeker?_ He slaps Park and Kim's hands away simultaneously and crosses his arms tightly, much to the idiots' amusement.

"... the house elves for their time and effort..."

"Hey, Kookie," Park whispers.

"Who?" Jungkook asks, eyebrows drawn close together.

"You, of course! Jungkookie."

Jungkook rolls his eyes and tries to ignore Kim's hand edging closer to him again. 

"Kookie, want some pumpkin juice?"

"No, thanks. Don't fancy death by poisoning today."

Park laughs. "Why would I try to poison you? See — look!" he says before taking a sip from the goblet. "I'm alive!"

Jungkook observes him suspiciously. Park is smiling fairly sincerely, and he doesn't seem to be planning anything malicious. Perhaps he's acting nice to get into Jungkook's good books, so he can pull a bigger prank on him later. Whatever, Jungkook isn't going to let his guard down, so he'll be ok for now.

"Thanks," he says slowly, taking the goblet from Park's hand.

Park beams at him in return, leaving Jungkook temporarily blinded as he continues passing out goblets.

Seokjin must have announced the beginning of the meal at some point, because when Jungkook regains his vision, the plates are piled high with food. He eats as best he can, what with Park and Kim constantly reaching across him to scrape food into each others’ plates. (“Tae, why get tomatoes in the first place?” “ _Please_ , Chim?”) The juice just tastes like juice. 

This isn’t too bad, so far. In fact, Jungkook doesn’t really know why he wastes so much energy being annoyed by Park and Kim. They’re actually kind of funny, if you sit back and listen to them talk without arguing back. Enjoy listening to them talk, even. If it can be called talking: right now Kim is standing on top of his chair, doing an impressive impression of Professor Trelawney. He's messed his hair up a bit to add to image, and it looks soft and fluffy. Jungkook wants to feel it. So he does, after Kim has bowed and jumped back down again. He was right: it _is_ soft. Kim's eyebrows arch up for a second, but he simply leans into the touch with a satisfied lopsided smile. 

Hoseok is pointing at them gleefully from across the table, and Yoongi next to him seems very confused, for some reason. Jungkook’s hand falls to his lap.

“Kookie?” 

Jungkook grunts in response.

“Hey, Kookie. Hey.”

“Yes, Park?”

Park pouts. “I’m cold.”

“And?”

“Keep me warm?”

“No.”

He’s kind of lost track of time, but what he judges to be a quarter of an hour later, Jungkook finds himself comfortably resting his weight against Park’s side, with his arms wrapped around Jimin’s waist to keep him warm. Park. Park's waist. Why does Park smell so nice, what the heck? Jungkook could stay like this forever if it meant his nostrils could achieve eternal joy. His face is so nice to look at, too: he’s all fluffy cheeks and happy eye crinkles. And he’s so soft. So small and soft. Like a puppy. Cute.

“Ah, you’re cute, too, Kookie!” Jimin says with a giggle.

What the frick. Jungkook sits back up straight and groans inwardly. Well, probably outwardly; he doesn’t really know anymore, but he’s in the mood for cuddling. Jimin was a good subject. Park. He means Park.

By the time what's left of the desserts vanishes from the plates, Jungkook’s hand has hooked itself under Taehyung’s elbow of its own accord. He can’t remember the last time he’s felt such a strong urge to be so close to people. Taehyung has to dash for the bathroom after drinking two jugs of water as part of some dare or other, though, leaving Jungkook with nobody to touch. He slips into Hoseok’s newly vacated seat and snuggles into Namjoon’s shoulder.

Namjoon looks positively terrified. “What is it? What do you want?”

Jungkook grins lazily. “Stroke my hair.”

With a bang of long legs against the side of the table, Namjoon jumps up and pushes Jungkook towards Yoongi. “It’s Hoseok you want, but he’ll do.”

No, Yoongi will most definitely _not_ do. “Erm… is there something… you want to talk about?” He has absolutely no experience with homesick children, or whatever has got into the usually awkwardly reserved and distant boy. He pats Jungkook’s head twice, with perhaps a little more force than he meant to use, but the boy purrs in satisfaction. _Purrs_. Yoongi pulls his hand back like it’s been burned, and shoves Jungkook back into Hoseok’s seat.

Just on time, Hoseok comes back from wherever he’d gone, Jimin trailing behind him. Jungkook beams at them, all teeth on display. 

He wins over Hoseok easily. 

A minute later finds him leaning back against Hoseok’s chest, Hoseok’s fingers stroking through his hair, pausing every now and then to coo at Jungkook’s cuteness, while the others at the table sometimes glance at them and laugh. Jungkook is not cute, _Merlin_. He’s almost a man. He’s a grown-up manly man. Who has decided that today he likes being close to people, and that Hoseok’s fingers in his hair feels a lot like his mother’s touch during bedtime stories. His mother, who he hasn’t seen in almost two months. Who he doesn’t miss at all, because he’s a grown and independent man who can live without his parents. 

Jungkook may or may not have a leaked one or two grown-up tears in reminiscence of his distant childhood, lamenting the cruelty of adulthood. Hoseok gives him a squeeze to comfort him.

“Jeon, you’re like, twelve.”

Jungkook sighs. Yoongi wouldn’t understand the problems of youth and new adulthood. He’s too old to sympathise.

“Ok, time for bed, kiddo.”

Jimin and Taehyung watch in surprise as Yoongi peels Jungkook out of Hoseok’s protective arms and pulls him to his feet.

“Was he supposed to start crying?”

“No?”

“Tae, I told you stirring seven times was too much!”

“He was fine for most of it!”

Hands on the sobbing boy’s shoulders, Yoongi steers Jungkook out of the office and down to the Slytherin common room. “Get yourself together, son. Match against Gryffindor tomorrow, remember.”

Jungkook sniffles and rubs at his eyes with the sleeve of his robes. “If I’m your son, does that mean you’re my dad?” he mumbles. A thought occurs to him, and he peers up at Yoongi with shining wet eyes. “Can you tuck me into bed, dad?”

Yoongi sighs.


	3. Chapter 3

He's tugged into consciousness by the soft, weak caresses of an early November sunrise. Cool air, warm sheets, and the distant twittering of birds announcing the beginning of a new day.

Jungkook lazily rolls over to his side, pulling his pillow with him. The level of the lake has risen recently after the heavy October showers, and he marvels at the beauty of the morning sun reflected on its surface. He closes his eyes again, basking in the calm feeling of Saturday mornings, and is almost lulled back to sleep by the sound of the lake water lapping against the window.

Saturday morning.

He scrambles out of bed and gets dressed with his left foot still tangled in his sheets. The dormitory is silent: Junhong’s bed is empty, but the others are still asleep. Why had Junhong abandoned him yesterday evening anyway? Whatever. It’s a bit of a blur, but he remembers managing to have fun and relax without him. With one last kick at his sheets in the general direction of his bed, and an attempt to flatten the tuft of hair sticking up at the back of his head, he grabs his broomstick and runs along the narrow passage to the common room.

Once his eyes have adjusted to the dim green light of the room, he makes out a familiar figure on a leather couch by the fire, hunched over the parchment in his lap. Jungkook jogs over, and Junhong looks up with an apologetic smile.

“My bag strap broke after Potions yesterday,” he explains, “so I had to redo all the homework that got ruined by two smashed inkpots.”

“Oh… couldn’t you have just… cleaned it off with a spell?” Jungkook asks.

Junhong sighs. “Yeah, I tried, but it was taking ages so it didn’t make a difference.” He drops his work back off at the dormitory, then walks with Jungkook out of the dungeons and up towards the Great Hall.

“How did that even happen?” Jungkook asks, panting. It’s hard work keeping up with Junhong’s long legs.

“I have no idea. It wasn’t even an old bag. There were loads of chocolate frogs hopping around though, even though I couldn’t see anyone else in the corridor, which was a bit strange.”

“Chocolate frogs…?”

Their entrance into the Great Hall is met with cheers from the Slytherins and jeers from the Gryffindors. Yoongi beckons them over from the middle of the table, where the rest of the team is also huddled. Jungkook slides into the space opposite Yoongi, and Junhong squeezes in next to him. Their team members push toast and tea towards them, and then go back to discussing last minute game tactics, and watching out for any Gryffindor team members arriving so they know when to boo.

“So did I miss much yesterday?” Junhong asks. “How was it?”

“Ehh, same as always,” Jungkook says, scratching his head and trying to recall the details. “The food was good. Jimin and Taehyung were really nice. I think Jimin gave me a massage at some point. Did you know? he’s really soft. It’s like stroking a kitten. No: a dog. He’s like a puppy. I think I even said that to him. I didn’t mean to, but he was happy about it I suppose.” Junhong’s confusion grows with every word. “He’s all enthusiastic and excitable. And then Yoongi hyung tucked me into bed.” Yoongi perks up at hearing his name. “I think he told me a bedtime story.”

Yoongi stares at him in horror. “I did no such thing.”

Junhong looks from Jungkook to Yoongi and back again, searching their faces for some kind of explanation. “What, so the rest of it is true?”

Jungkook looks at him.

“By Jimin... you mean Park Jimin? _Park?_ As in, _Park and Kim?_ You’re calling _Park_ soft?”

Jungkook’s frown grows deeper as the pieces fit together.

“Merlin’s pants.”

“Merlin’s pants indeed.”

“You _were_ a bit off yesterday,” Yoongi adds unhelpfully. “Did you let them slip something in your juice _again_?”

“Oh my god,” Jungkook wails, burying his head under his arms. He hears the table around him erupt into yelling and booing (and some cheering in the distance) as some Gryffindor player presumably walks into the hall, but he continues feeling sorry for himself and his stupidity. What kind of idiot accepts pumpkin juice from Park? Flipping heck. He raises his head slightly when the noise dies down and instantly regrets it: Park and Kim are walking down the edge of the hall, and as they pass behind Yoongi, Park winks at Jungkook, and Kim smirks in amusement at Jungkook’s horrific embarrassment. Ears a furious shade of red, Jungkook tries to ignore their laughter by staring at his teaspoon until they're out of earshot.

“Right,” says Yoongi resolutely, “come on, team. Let’s show those useless losers what Slytherin is made of. That was a clear attempt to sabotage our fortunes in this game by confusing our only Seeker. We can’t let them get away with it. We’re going to win this match and every other match after it. Gryffindors won’t be able to look us in the eye for weeks. Let’s go.”

Jungkook traipses behind his team members, eyes firmly on Yoongi’s shoes, and broom sweeping the floor behind him. In the changing rooms, Yoongi continues to paint beautiful images of defeated and dismayed Gryffindors in the team members’ minds. The image of Park and Kim looking like kicked puppies particularly appeals to Jungkook. He'd like to be the one smirking for once. When Yoongi calls for the customary pre-match chant, he doesn't need to insist on it; the team joins in enthusiastically, and Jungkook's voice rises above the rest of the team. The whistle is called, and Yoongi throws the door open. Jungkook waits until the team leaves the room before following them out onto the pitch.

The sun shines weakly but clearly from its rising seat in its stand of bright blue; the day looks promising. He glances up at the masses of colour and sound and gulps nervously. The familiar feeling of tense pressure mixed with excitement makes his fingers go cold: he grips onto the handle of his broomstick with a sense of almost desperation. To soothe his nerves, he tries to focus on Namjoon and Seokjin squabbling over who should hold the wand to use as a microphone. (Seokjin's wand had broken recently - a misfortune which he blamed on Namjoon - so they seem to have decided to share Namjoon’s wand between them to commentate.) As Jungkook watches their mouths form words many feet away, the words also begin to take shape in his ears.

“...first match of the season. Interestingly, Slytherin have decided to keep the same team from last year, dismissing any new hopefuls who attended the trials last month as either substitutes or simply spectators. Gryffindor, on the other hand, have had to replace their keeper and one of their chasers, after the previous holders of these positions finished their seventh year at Hogwarts at the end of last season.”

“Yes, all the boring facts there from Kim Namjoon. Now, for your source of the fun in Quidditch, Kim Seokjin. The spectators are waiting eagerly to see how this match will unfold, and I can even see a certain Jung Hoseok from my own Hufflepuff house show his support for Gryffindor with a beautiful piece of artwork that he made all by himself twenty minutes ago.”

Jungkook turns to the Hufflepuff stand and spots Hoseok immediately: he's bouncing up and down with both arms held high. The banner he's holding up has a rushed animated drawing of a lion breathing fire onto a serpent, and underneath, the words ‘SLYTHERIN CAN KISS PARK JIMIN’S ASS: IT'S THE CLOSEST THING THEY’LL GET TO SUCCESS’ flash red and gold.

“The little shit sold us out,” Yoongi mutters under his breath.

Jungkook watches Park smile appreciatively at Hoseok after he has reached the centre of the pitch, and then wave bashfully at the audience. As the cheers grow louder, Kim picks up on what Park is doing, and joins in, only in a more theatrical way. He bows deeply at all the stands apart from the Slytherin one, and then proceeds to pull stupid facial expressions whilst Park chortles at his antics.

A second whistle ends the idiots’ shenanigans. The crowd falls silent in anticipation as the two teams draw closer together around Madam Hooch. While the referee talks to Yoongi and the Gryffindor captain, Jungkook lets his eyes wander again, and of their own accord, they move to observe Park. Park notices, and the way he dramatically swings his leg over his broom and takes a seat, with dangerous eyes latched onto Jungkook and an arched eyebrow is highly unnecessary, Jungkook thinks, until he stops thinking at all: Park has just blown a kiss to him in front of the entire school.

“...and they're off!...”

Are they?

“And so the match begins with Gryffindor in possession of the Quaffle - ”

Jungkook's face grows hot as he realises he is the only one left on the ground. Cursing Park under his breath (not with real swear words, though: gosh, he wouldn't sink that low), he kicks off hard, and rises high above the other players to begin his search for the Snitch.

“Hey, Kookie!” calls a voice from below.

Jungkook sighs, spares a glance down to see the disgusting grinning face of Park, and then looks back up again.

“Shouldn't you be hitting bludgers at people?” he tries to ask exasperatedly, but at this point he sounds more anxious than anything.

Park laughs. "You're the only one I want to bat an angry ball at today.”

So Yoongi was right. The Gryffindors’ strategy was to knock him out of the game and get their rubbish reserve on, or catch the Snitch themselves at some point in the process of Jungkook fearing for his life. “I'm blushing.”

“Oh, I can already see that.”

For Merlin’s sake. Jungkook lurches forward and speeds towards the other end of the pitch to look for the Snitch there, and sees Park tailing him out of the corner of his eye. The quicker he catches this Snitch, the better.

“And what a fantastic goal that was by Slytherin’s Choi!” Namjoon’s voice announces over the eruption of cheers from the Slytherin stand. “Slytherin are now in the lead with thirty points, while Gryffindor is still on twenty.”

“Not as fantastic as my face, but it’ll do,” adds Seokjin.

Kim screams in annoyance close behind Jungkook, who chuckles and cruises around aimlessly.

“OI, JEON!” shouts Yoongi impatiently from the goalposts. He pulls off one of his gloves with his teeth, and then brandishes his hand. The words ‘THE PLAN’ are messily scrawled on his palm in black ink.

Aha, the Plan! Jungkook searches the pitch for where the Chasers of both teams are squabbling over the Quaffle, then zooms off in the other direction. Sure enough, Park and Kim follow after him immediately. While their rivals are preoccupied, the Slytherin beaters are ruthless, and the Chasers take advantage of the Gryffindors constantly dodging Bludgers.

“I can’t believe it! Another goal for Slytherin. The score is now a whopping two hundred for Slytherin, whilst Gryffindor is dawdling on a mere fifty points,” says Seokjin. “I’ve never seen anything like this in my short but wonderful life. And ouch! Jung Daehyun, Chaser and Captain of the Gryffindor team, appears to be knocked out! Today does not seem to be Gryffindor’s day.”

“The Gryffindor team calls for time out as they try to bring their Captain back to life,” Namjoon says excitably.

“He’s not dead, Namjoon.” Jungkook can practically _hear_ the eye roll in Seokjin’s voice.

“Humans don’t need to be dead to be distant from life. We all need to be revived sometimes, otherwise - ”

“Meanwhile,” Seokin continues in an even louder voice, “both teams gather to discuss tactics, which would be highly beneficial for the Gryffindor team, as it appears their Beaters seem to think that marking the Slytherin Seeker for the entire match will help them win.”

Jungkook breathes a sigh of relief as Park and Kim _finally_ leave his presence, and he touches down on the ground near the rest of his team to join them.

“...even if they catch the Snitch now, they won’t win: it’ll be a draw,” Yoongi is saying.  

“You reckon they’ll stop following Jungkook everywhere now that it’s not working?” asks one of the Beaters, wiping the sweat off her forehead.

“Maybe.”

“Which means they’ll attack us instead, so we need to be more careful.”

The whistle is blown. Jung gets back on his broomstick on the other side of the pitch.

“Jungkook, if they do leave you alone, now is the best time to catch the Snitch,” Yoongi says hurriedly. “But if you see it and they’re still there, either try to avoid them and catch it as quickly as possible, or try to distract their Seeker. They can only hit a Bludger your way if you’re in the act of catching the Snitch.”

“I know, I know,” Jungkook mutters as he prepares for the game again.

On the second whistle, he kicks off, and to his pleasant surprise, finds Park and Kim zooming in and out of the Chasers instead, bats raised high. Ah, freedom. He can begin his hunt for the Snitch in peace.

“...and it seems that the Gryffindor Seeker has spotted something that we haven't!”

“Yes, she's speeding across the pitch!”

A quick scan of the pitch confirms this. Jungkook can't see the Snitch either, but he hurtles after the Gryffindor Seeker. He can’t let her reach the Snitch before him. He can't. He couldn't live down that kind of shame, and he wouldn't hear the end of it from Yoongi and the rest of the team. Heart pounding against his tight Quidditch robes, he presses his weight down towards his broom and starts to gain on her. The air whips his face, but behind her billowing long black hair and scarlet robes, he still can't see the Snitch yet. She leads him right into the centre of the pitch amongst the other players.

Then, all of a sudden, the Gryffindor Seeker makes a sharp turn upwards. _Thud._ An excruciating pain grips his right arm as a Bludger strikes him, and a shriek escapes his numb lips. The second he lets go of the broom handle to inspect the damage, a second Bludger hits his left arm.

Jungkook's broomstick spins downward out of control as both his arms hang limply by his sides. His eyes water in pain, and through the colourful blurs around him, he makes out a red figure below him. Unable to steer himself to safety, he crashes head-first into the player’s lower back, and with the force of his face bouncing off the player and the tail of their broom thumping his already burning arm, he falls off his own broomstick.

When he falls to the ground a couple of seconds later, his vision turns black.

 

.

 

The soft covers calm Jungkook. What a terribly vivid nightmare; his arms still ache.

“He’s waking up!”

What on earth? Jungkook cracks one eye open, and tries to take in the flushed faces of his team members around his hospital bed without panicking. Who is he kidding? Jungkook is panicking.

“Hey, calm down, kid,” Yoongi says in an uncharacteristically soft voice. It’s this that scares him even more.

“What happened?” he asks. His voice squeaks twice in two words. He winces. Why does puberty exist.

“Well,” one of the Chasers says, “the Gryffindor Seeker didn’t exactly see anything. She just pretended she did, so when you chased after her, it’d count as you being in the process of catching the Snitch, so Park and Kim could attack you without it being a foul. They probably had it planned out from before. It wasn’t really your fault.”

What a… _Slytherin_ thing to do. Jungkook didn’t think Gryffindors had the intelligence to think of something like that. He’d be impressed, but he looks down at his arms instead.

“Both of them were broken, but Madam Pomfrey said they should be ok by tomorrow morning.”

Jungkook nods slowly, and finally asks the question he’s been desperate but so nervous to ask. “So… who won?”

“Nobody,” Junhong says with a shrug. “Nobody scored after you fell, and the Gryffindor Seeker found the Snitch less than a minute after our reserve came on. It was a draw.”

A draw. Tentatively, Jungkook peers at Yoongi, who hasn’t said anything in a while. He’s leaning against the wall indifferently, but Jungkook knows he’s furious at the Gryffindors inside: Quidditch means more to Yoongi than his own miserably grumpy life.

“It was a good thing you banged into Park’s butt as you were falling, though, otherwise you might have broken your broomstick,” Junhong adds.

“A good thing?” Jungkook says incredulously. “I almost broke my neck. Wait, what? _Park?_ ”

Yoongi finally speaks. 

“Jeon, you _literally_ kissed Park Jimin’s ass.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i'm alive (barely) (lmao)


End file.
